Neferet's Curse
by KShade
Summary: The real version was far more complicated, far more painful, with blood and tears shed, and a choice that destroyed part of me." told entirely in sonfics! M for obvious reasons... What is the Story of the Dark High Priestess who's gone so awry? why would she do all that? Compliant to the mirror scene in Hidden, takes place slightly after Hidden
1. How it started

**I've seen a million Neferet's Curse's on this site. To be honest, a lot of them are the same. So, I've decided to be different. I'm telling it by way of sonfics. Entirely sonfics. So, I hope you all enjoy it! Ps. Review! Neferet will come and kill you in your sleep if you read this and don`t**

I felt oddly contemplative as I sat there in my room that night. Too contemplative for my own good. Against my will, memories of my child hood rose, and engulfed me like a cloud of smoke. Memories best left buried, that had already resurfaced once today. For the first time since I'd made the change, I allowed myself to wonder. How different would things be now had my mother lived? Would I still be the Vampyre I am today? I shook my head, as though I could dislodge the memories by knocking them out of my head. They refused to leave me. I sighed. Why must I continue to bear the burden of these memories of my past. Then, I turned the radio on, thinking a little music would help me. Idly, I wondered if Zoey knew how her mirror had affected me.

_Playground school bell rings again  
Rain clouds come to play again  
Has no one told you she's not breathing?  
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to  
Hello  
_

Although my world had ended, everything continued as per typical. When I arrived at school, I was greeted by the loud clanging of the bell. I ran to classes, completely unaware. It was in the middle of mathematics that the austere face of the principal peeped into the classroom.

"Emily Wheiler , you Father wishes to have a word with you"

Surprised that Daddy had arrived in the middle of the school day, I skipped along behind the principal. My deep auburn hair glistened and bounced as I skipped along. I saw my father standing before the window, which portrayed the rainy sky through its crystal glass. Father's head was bowed, to conceal his smirk of pride, or so I now knew. At the time, I thought he looked sad. He ported entirely black, which was odd. Also, I didn't see the vehicle outside.

"Emmie. I regret to have to inform you" his breath caught in his throat, as though he wanted to cry. "It's your Mother, she was in an accident."

I felt as though my world had come crashing down around me.

"Is she okay?" I asked

"Emily, your mother is dead." I sobbed and sobbed. Nothing would be okay ever again. My mother was dead. I had been but ten years old at the time.

_If I smile and don't believe  
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
Don't try to fix me I'm not broken  
Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide  
Don't cry_

After awhile, a month maybe, the pain lessened. I gradually tried to return to my normal life. It was surreal though. Mother couldn't be gone. Couldn't be. I tried to pay attention in class, tried to pretend it was all okay, but I couldn't. Nothing would ever be right. I was alone in the world, even alone at home. The Staff ignored me, instead tending to my Father's every wish. Probably out of fear, I speculated now, but my young self was painstakingly oblivious to all the horrors that would befall her all too soon. My father was acting bizarrely. Some days he was inexplicably angry, others withdrawn. Gradually, the staff began to leave, as they could see that something was off. My friends avoided me, thinking I was volatile, fragile. I was not a toy; you couldn't just patch me together again. A part of me was gone, and that was just the beginning. Then, it happened. It meaning my father.

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
Hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday

It had been a clear, cool June evening in Chicago, and at midnight, I had gone to get a glass of water. As I passed my Father's room, I felt a chill of dread creep down my spine. I called it ridiculous then, but intuitive now. His door inched open, with a horror movie-like creak, unveiling the monster behind it. His hair was as black as his heart and his eyes smouldered with something my ten year-old self didn't understand. He yanked me by the sleeve of my dress into his room, and the maid sighed as she passed. I have no doubts that she knew of the horrors that befell me in that very room. She never tried to help me.

Daddy asked me if I would sit down, on the edge of his bed, so I did, ever the sweet little obedient child. He sat beside me, and leaned over, like he was going to whisper something to me. His lips though, well, they had other intentions. He smothered my lips in his, making me breathe his alcohol soaked air. Then, he shoved his wet, slimy snake of a tongue into my mouth with them. I fought to get free, but one of his hands clutched my wrists behind me, as the other one roamed beneath my dress, to places I knew they didn't belong. Once he was done exploring, he released my sobbing young self to the ground.

It was when I felt the crack of the hardwood beneath my newly bruised knee, that I knew it was not a dream. I was sadly stuck here, and feeling like I was all that remained from a different era. One where my Father loved me. And things just go worse as I got older.

**Well, there's the start. Happy Canada day, eh.**


	2. the worst is yet to come

**Miss me? Well, you shouldn't, I've been posting like mad. Check out my hunger games story, First times. I just re did it today! Also, read on.**

**Snow White Queen-Evanescence**

When it happened, I was thirteen. I should probably be glad he didn't do it when I was ten, but I can't muster happiness from those memories. It was a dark night, and I was barely thirteen. I recalled how avidly I'd stared at the mirror, checking out my young self. I was starting to look less like a girl, and more like a woman. Of course, given my life, that didn't bode well. Father made touching me a routine thing now, I thought that was all he'd ever try, I cursed my stupidity.

_Stoplight, lock the door._

_Don't look back._

_Undress in the dark,_

_And hide from you,_

_All of you._

It was a dark, stormy night, the way all horrors start. I swiftly bolted to my room, not wanting to linger in the hall, where I felt so exposed. I arrived in my room, and quickly bolted the door shut. I couldn't be too careful. I heard a rustle in the hall, but I refused to acknowledge it. There was no time for looking back. I quickly and silently changed into my pajamas, and I took the liberty of sticking a pair of shorts underneath my nightie. That was my plan to protect myself, a pair of shorts. Now, I can't help but laugh at my naïveté, using something so fickle, and entrusting everything to it. In the dark of my room, I felt safe. I was going to use the dark, and hide in it, form Father and everything he so loved to do.

_You'll never know the way your words have haunted me._

_I can't believe you'd ask these things of me._

_You don't know me._

Of course, even the best laid plans can go awry, my current self knew that, but again my past self was oblivious. And her plan was far from the best laid plans. Father knocked on my door, insistently "Emily!" his slimy voice abused my former name "Emily, I know you're in there, open up."

I sat there silently. He unscrewed the hinges of my door. "There you are" his candle illuminated my room. I still from time to time hear his next words in the air around me. Even Darkness cannot save me from it. "It's about time I try this"

"Try what, Father?" I said, the fear creeping into my voice. _There was more_ I'd wondered I couldn't believe he would make anything more happen. This was not good. But the younger me had decided to fight. He wouldn't see that coming.

_You belong to me,_

_My snow white queen._

_There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over._

_Soon I know you'll see,_

_You're just like me._

_Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you._

He crossed my room, with a dangerous look in his eyes. I thought about my contingency plan, the shorts, they didn't feel so protective now. He grabbed at the hem of my nightgown, and took it off me. Then, his cruel, tainting gaze settled on the shorts, and the underwear beneath them. He carefully slid them off me. Then my underwear. I was completely naked. I felt his hot gaze settle on parts of me I had barely even felt comfortable looking at. I covered myself, with the sheet.

"No. you're mine" He growled, and whipped the sheet off me. Uh oh. I decided to run. Yes I would look ridiculous, but I would not be harmed. He saw that I would try, so when he'd entered, he'd moved my shelf in front of my door. This was not good, I had nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. I decided to scream. I screamed and screamed until my father clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Shut up! There's nothing you can do about this!" and the worst part was, he was right.

_Wake up in a dream._

_Frozen fear._

_All your hands on me._

_I can't scream._

_I can't scream._

He was thorough, I'll give him that. He had to violate every inch of my vulnerable body first. After that, there was a deceptive moment, one where I'd thought I was free, he was done. I started to get up, when I saw it. He was not through with me, he was just shedding his clothes. I was fairly sure I knew why. Sure enough, he climbed over me, and his black eyes met mine. I'll never forget the unnamable look in them. I felt only pain as he used me. As he desecrated me for his own pleasure. As he broke me. I was broken from it, never to be the same again. That night, I was plagued by dreams of it, of his wicked hands on me. Of the way he hurt- raped me. I woke up with a silent scream at my lips; it was the first of many. Many, many silent screams, and many, many sleepless nights. Worst of all, many, many incidents. This was the first, but certainly not the last.

_I can't escape the twisted way you think of me._

_I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep._

_I don't sleep._

The next morning, at breakfast, I pushed my food around on my plate, too nauseated to eat. Father was there, a serpentine smile playing out on his lips, he'd gotten what he'd wanted. He gave me a twisted look, twisted as his thoughts of me. I'd dreamed of him, even felt his torment in my dreams. I was thirteen! Barely thirteen! I didn't sleep, and the telltale black rings rimmed my red, bloodshot emerald eyes. I was bruised all over. Finally, the maid saw my suffering.

"Are you okay, child?" I wanted desperately to tell her the truth. To scream that I'd never be okay, ever again. Father beat me to it.

"Emmie just didn't sleep too well last night, right?" He shot me a dark look, his nickname for me from before he'd assaulted me threw me off. He hadn't called me that since the day mom died.

"You would know, father" I said offhandedly

_You belong to me,_

_My snow white queen._

_There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over._

_Soon I know you'll see,_

_You're just like me._

_Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you_

He dragged me into the hallway. "Emily. Since it slipped your mind, I'll remind you. I told you not to speak of this to anyone. Or else" so now he used my full name?

"There is no further 'or else" I argued "There's nothing more you can do to me"

He laughed mercilessly, the sound like a winter breeze through denuded branches. "Care to bet on that." He got into my face. I backed off. He laughed "And so we're clear. You belong to me. You have no way to run, no where to hide, and screaming is pointless"

So I tested that. I screamed, the shrill sound piercing my eardrums.

Father shoved me down the stairs. Every hardwood step was agony to my already bruised body. _Well played _I thought now _even gave him an excuse for the bruises. _He cried for the maid, and the maid carried me to my room.

_I can't save your life,_

_Though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting._

_I'm losing my mind and you just stand there and stare as my world divides._

I arrived in my room, feeling tainted, useless. I found a pair of scissors that I used for my art project. Sharp as any razor blade. I dragged the blade across my unmarred wrist, watching as it stung briefly and the blood welled along the cut. I did it again, to a spot an inch higher. Then an inch above that. I lost track of the number of times I slashed those very scissors across my arm. I couldn't save my life from everything in it, so I bled it out. Slice. Father. Slice. Mother's death. Slice. The events of last night. Then, I saw father, just standing there, watching. I screamed bitterly in anger. I was going insane and cutting myself, and he just smirked. My life was torn apart, and all he could do was smirk at his destructive success.

_You belong to me,_

_My snow white queen._

_There's nowhere to run, so let's just get it over._

_Soon I know you'll see,_

_You're just like me._

_Don't scream anymore my love, 'cause all I want is you._

"When you're done, bandages are on the counter" He turned and walked away.

"What makes you sure I'll need one." I replied "I might kill myself, right now"

"You?" He scoffed "You don't have the courage."

He was right. Not when I was thirteen. So the pain, the trail of assault, and self harm, it continued for another three years. Three long years.

**Well, sad chapter to write. I think I'm actually starting to feel bad for Neferet now… Review. I need people to SYOC for the fledglings/professors at the House of Night.**


	3. suicidal

**Hi! Well, it won't be so depressing for the whole thing, but I'm going to have to make I think like two more suck-ish chapters (Friends who requested songs) SYOC fledglings to go to Neferet's House of Night. This is being posted a day earlier, sorry, I'm busy Tuesday. **

**Given Up-Linkin Park**

The next day, after I'd started cutting was another shitty day, to use the modern terminology. I still was not quite certain why I insisted on reliving my nightmare of a past, but whatever, it was probably a task from the White Bull. Why else would I not be able to control my thoughts. I sighed as the song came on, and I was transported away.

_Wake in a sweat again_

_Another day's been laid to waste_

_In my disgrace_

I awoke, sticky with my own blood, and a searing sensation on my arm, from all the times I'd run the scissors over it. To make things worse, I was covered in a cold sweat, from my terrifying dreams. From every time I screamed and no one saved me, every time my own subconscious betrayed me in this most heinous way. I had wasted yesterday, trying to die, but today, I was going to save myself.

_Stuck in my head again_

_Feels like I'll never leave this place_

_There's no escape_

I tried to get up, but my arm wouldn't support me, and the pain flashed up it like a flame, like a thousand stabbing knives. I fought to get up, and once I was up, I sprinted to the kitchen. Under the sink were the things I needed, Tylenol, gauze and ointment. I slathered the ointment on first, gritting my teeth as it stung. Then, I wrapped my arm in gauze, and took a Tylenol for the pain. When I got up, I saw the maid. She was slack-jawed and staring at me. Damn, she saw my arm.

"Miss Emily, may I see that?" she asked, not implying any sort of choice.

"NO!" I snapped, "You may not!" I ran for the door, but she was faster, and insisted I had to show Father.

_I'm my own worst enemy_

_I've given up_

_I'm sick of feeling_

_Is there nothing you can say?_

_Take this all away_

_I'm suffocating_

_Tell me what the fuck is wrong_

_With me_

I gave up fighting her. It sickened me that I was being passive, and I hated myself for it. I had to give up though, if I fought, I'd just be in more trouble. Trouble equaled punishment. Punishment equaled incidents. Incidents equaled cutting. The less I fought, the less I would suffer. I looked at the maid. "You know, don't you" I glared at her "You fucking know!" I shrieked, outraged at the thought of her knowing father had- I barely could think the word- raped me.

"Emily Cassandra Wheiler! That is language unbecoming of a young woman!" She reprimanded me "What would your father say?"

What would my father do was more like it. I think my word explained that too.

"Please" I wanted to beg "Kill me, end this." I couldn't do it but surely she could. Surely, she could put me out of my misery.

What I said was "I don't know. Can you not tell him, please?" And I detested the fear I felt.

_I don't know what to take_

_Thought I was focused but I'm scared_

_I'm not prepared_

We arrived in Father's room, and the maid had a hysterical meltdown. I was too terrified to remember my planned excuse, so I said nothing. I was panicking. Father said something to appease the Maid. She left, he unwrapped my arm, laughing darkly as I gasped at the pain of him slowly tearing off the gauze.

_I hyperventilate_

_Looking for help somehow somewhere_

_And no one cares_

I started to hyperventilate. I fought not to cry, not to give him the satisfaction. He ripped it off slowly, agonizingly, and his dark laugh was like the hanger's noose for me. I wanted to die. His sadistic pleasure made me want nothing more than to die. To escape. I looked around the room, for something, anything to end this. There was nothing. As per typical in my life, there was no one. He laughed as he removed the last of it.

"Thirteen times. I underestimated you." He stroked his finger down the deepest wound, and I flinched. "One for each year of life."

"The maid's seen." I argued "If I die, you get it."

_I'm my own worst enemy_

_I've given up_

_I'm sick of feeling_

_Is there nothing you can say?_

_Take this all away_

_I'm suffocating_

_Tell me what the fuck is wrong_

_With me_

"So you would kill yourself just to put me in a sticky situation" He whispered into my ear. "Are you that desperate?" I hated him. I hate him. He twisted my words, and I hated myself for using them. "No. you're that…" I couldn't find a word despicable enough.

"Arousing" He finished my sentence with the opposite sentiment.

"Sickening" I finished. "I'd sooner die than ever let you lay your hands on me again."

"Then why did you not?" he demanded, throwing down the glass he'd been drinking form, which smashed as it hit the ground. I grabbed his sheet, and attempted to tie a noose in it. I wanted this to be over.

"No." he cut me off "I still have need of you."

_Goddddddd!_

_Put me out of my misery_

_Put me out of my misery_

_Put me out of my_

_Put me out of my fucking misery_

And alas, he still did. As days became months became almost three years, I lost track of the number of times he used me. I lost track of the number of times I cut myself, to let out the memories. I lost track of when my fervent prayers, ended. If there was a god, what did they not take pity on me? Why did they not do something? Why? What did I do to deserve this? I still ask Nyx this question. At that point, I wanted nothing more than death.

_I've given up_

_I'm sick of feeling_

_Is there nothing you can say?_

_Take this all away_

_I'm suffocating_

_Tell me what the fuck is wrong_

_With me_

So now, I've given up. I've blocked these feelings, this pain. I've left it behind, and shed my old life, a hundred years ago. So why do I think of it now? What is wrong with me? The memories suffocate me like a dense fog, and I give up again.

**Well, not pretty, but this is the Neferet I've always imagined. The girl behind the murderer. This does not mean I like her as a character in the normal series though. She killed Jack. I'll never forgive her. KShade out.**


	4. Save me

**Well, I scared the shit out of myself today, I was transferring my files, and I put them all on a memory stick. The memory stick wouldn't open them, so I had a heart attack, until I discovered how to restore files on a computer. But that didn't work, so I found the 'creative way'. Finally, I got my files back. So, I hope this is worth reading, because if not, I may cry.**

I thought back to the last time, when I'd decided I'd had enough. I wanted out, one way or another. Give me freedom or death. One or the other.

_Bound to your side and  
Trapped in silence  
Just a possession  
Is this sex or only violence_  
_That feeds your obsession  
_

It was my sixteenth birthday. I remember it well. It was a day like every other, I was trapped in this, trapped pretending to be okay. Trapped doing whatever explicit things sprung into Father's head. I couldn't tell anyone of it. He would kill me. Not that death didn't sound good, but I didn't wish to let him be my death as well as take my life from me. That made no sense. I got up, and began to dress, stopping to examine my bruises.

There were the four finger shaped ones on my arm, and a large, unsightly one on my cheek that I would need to cover. All of the other ones would be sufficiently covered when I put my dress on. I had a thick scar on my wrist, from trying to kill myself last month. I hadn't cut quite deep enough, but I was close. I tried not to cry, just from looking at the mess I was. Again I wondered quite what to call what happens to me now every other day, if not daily, sex or just violence.

_You send me to a broken state  
Where I can take the pain  
Just long enough  
That I am numb  
That I just disappear_

Last night, I had been impertinent. A rebel. I laughed bitterly at my own stupidity, thinking I could escape that easily. That just made him have to break me first. That's to say crush my spirit and make me wish to be subordinate again. And being broken is painful; I'm covered in bruises to prove it. It's also demeaning, and filled with curse words I can't yet define. But that pales to the pain. If you've ever been struck, you know how it feels. Now imagine being thrown at a wall. Imagine someone digging their fingernails like razorblades into your arm. Imagine the pain they can inflict on you otherwise, in places more vulnerable. Of course, eventually, you shut down. You go numb. You crawl deep inside yourself and hide until it's over. I smeared goopy concealer over the bruise on my cheek, and it disappeared, I refused to endure this on my sixteenth birthday.

_So go on and fight me  
Go on and scare me to death  
Tell me I asked for it  
Tell me I'll never forget  
You could give me anything but love  
Anything but love  
_

Once I was dressed, I walked downstairs, to where breakfast and presents would await me. Instead, there was only father, who claimed the maid was not awake yet. I knew he was lying, but I didn't call him on it, knowing he wanted to get a reaction from me. Reacting meant punishment. I was not capable of enduring any more punishment. I felt terrified, like a gazelle must feel when a lion approaches. Like a deer in headlights. I felt I may faint if I had to endure mundane conversation. Father pushed me to the wall, certain to aggravate all my bruises. Then, he ran his finger along my cheek, where a purple bruise lay under a liberal coating of concealer. I winced at the electric flash of pain it brought. He laughed "You asked for it." He reminded me, with a dark smirk "Don't forget that."

Like I could. Like I ever will. "I won't, Father" I responded quietly. The maid opened the door, carrying an extravagant cake and a mountain of presents. Alas, Father was rich, he could buy me anything. The one thing I wanted though, he couldn't provide me with—love.

_Does it feel good tonight  
to Hurt me with nothing  
Some sort of sick satisfaction you  
Get from mind fucking  
_

I opened my presents before I ate breakfast, and took my time stripping each individual box of its paper. Three new dresses. A book. Shoes. One of the dresses (The one I was told to wear) was tight and black and went only to my knees. It was made of a see through black silk that was covered in little flecks of silver. It had a corset to it that cut off my circulation at the waist, but exaggerated my ample chest. I felt like a whore. It was like he was trying to send me a message through it, that i was just his property. I felt like a whore in this dress.

When the maid was done fussing over every little detail, and she insisted we show father, I saw a sick satisfaction in his eyes. I could tell just what ran through his head as a dirty smile crept across his face. To make things worse, I still have the dress. I am uncertain as to why, but one thing was clear. He was fucking with my mind just as thoroughly as he was fucking with my body.

_Oh stripped down to my naked core  
The darkest corners of my mind are yours  
That's where you live, that's where you breathe  
_

Of course, it wasn't long before he decided to fuck with both. After breakfast, he dismissed the maid, telling her to go get us something special for dinner. He escorted me to his room. I didn't dare to protest, I was the deer in headlights. The deer does not break the windows of the vehicle to harm the people; it is just crushed on a convenience, and left crippled, dead on the road to be hit again. Now you're staring to understand why power is important, it differentiates the Cars from the deer. My very mind tormented me with images of what he intended to do. The dark corners of it, that is. I hated it, but he was a part of me now, and in my fears, he was immortalized.

_So go on and fight me  
Go on and scare me to death  
Dare me to leave you  
Tell me I'd never forget  
You could give me anything but love  
Anything but love  
_

He laid me down on the bed, and removed the new dress that I so despised. He removed everything I'd been wearing beneath the dress, testing every bruise, every scratch for which ones hurt the most. I gasped, as he pressed down on a sensitive one. He laughed darkly as I tried to push his hand away. I was terrified that this would never stop.

'Please" I gasped "Stop"

He pretended to think "I don't know, Emily. What have you to offer me?" The sadism of his gesture terrified and repulsed me. He was going to make me beg to be raped.

I gasped as the pain flared out of control "Anything."

"That I can work with." He smirked

*later*

I got up, determined this time. I lifted my scissors, shoving Father's sleeping form off me. I dragged the blade against my wrist, creating a thin red line. I repeated the gesture two or three times more, on the same spot. I took the blood from my wrist, and used a finger to write "You made me do this." On his wall. I knew this was further than I'd ever cut, and I felt dizzy, and sick, but better. One more cut, and I'd sever an artery. I would be freed. I hefted the scissors and tested the blade against my skin. It was then, that Father awakened.

"Do it then, I dare you." He did not sound afraid. I moved the scissors closer to my wrist, which seeped blood.

"But if you die, I will need to find a new outlet for my desires, perhaps dear cousin Evangeline." No. The monster. Angie was the one thing I valued more than my death. I couldn't let him taint her, desecrate her as he had me. I couldn't let Angie be hurt. So I did the one thing I saw as truly weak. I threw the scissors and cried. For myself. For Angie whom I'd almost endangered. For anyone else in my situation.

_Without any faith  
without any light  
Condemn me to live  
Condemn me to lie  
Inside I am dead  
_

So, just like that, with one threat, I was condemned as any prisoner. I was condemned to live. My life was a sentence no one, except the one who cursed me with it deserved. There was no longer a God to pray to. And what would I pray for. God wouldn't kill one of his people for a child like me. He wouldn't put me out of my misery. What else was there to pray for? There was no joy either. Nothing to be happy about except the rare days of solitude. I was sentenced to a life of lies about it, and I had no intention of letting the world get away with it.

_So go on and fight me  
Go on and scare me to death  
I'll be the victim  
You'll be the voice in my head  
You could give me anything ..  
But love  
anything but love_

So the next time Father came to me, I fought him, though terrified, and I left my marks on him, scratches, bruises even making him grimace were all worth it. They were repaid tenfold, but I liked that I could fight him. I liked the terror that he inflicted on me, because it was all I had left to feel. I could never escape, because even in my head, he was there, and from time to time, I heard—still hear his voice. All I'd wanted was a loving family, and I got six years of abuse, hundreds of cuts, and countless suicide attempts. I still know not how I deserved it.

**Well, there's light on the horizon soon… all I'm saying. Please review. KShade out**


	5. freed

**Well, hi. I'm extremely busy so, no long note…**

**Lacrymosa- Evanescence**

When the Tracker arrived, I was in my room, cutting. The night before had been particularly unspeakable and I had to get it out. The Tracker het himself in and walked to my room, allegedly having found me passed out, in a puddle of my own blood. I awoke later, at the House of Night. I was greatly shocked to discover my wounds tended to. The high Priestess was standing over me, her dark eyes concerned-looking, and her dark hair immaculate. Her Marks resembled swirls of air.

"You must be Emily. You have a visitor"

_Out on your own_

_cold and alone again_

_can this be what you really wanted, baby?_

Father entered the room. He was not happy. "First you try to die, and now this?" He demanded "What the hell are you going to do next!"

I laughed dryly "Now you're alone. You have nothing to hold over me. You should've known it'd end this way."

"Nothing to hold over you" he got so close to me that I could smell the reek of his rancid, alcohol soaked breath. "Is that what you said?"

I tried to calm down. To speak rationally. I couldn't. I stammered out a garbled version of "Don't hurt me."

"Au Contraire, you hurt yourself quite enough." He lifted my wrist, and I saw a thick scar on it, just like the other one.

_Blame it on me_

_set your guilt free_

_nothing can hold you back now_

"Sure. Blame it on me. You know you're guilty." I argued

"I am not the one who'd slashed my wrist." He turned it to me again, predictably. He always screwed with my conscience.

"And why do you think I did that?" I asked, refusing to apologize for my own suicide. Or, attempted suicide.

"Because you're a whining little girl who's too weak to take on adversity" he remarked " if I had my way, I'd make you regret-"

"its because you're a sadist. Because you use me for your personal gain. Now you have no one to blame. You're guilty. There's nothing there for you to use to forget your guilt."

Little did I know just how much there was for him to be guilty about...

_Now that you're gone_

_I feel like myself again_

_grieving the things I can't repair and willing ..._

He left. Once he'd left the room, I felt like a new girl. A FREE Emily. But, inexplicably, my name left a sour taste of my old life in my mouth. Emily was the ten year old who'd lost her mom. The ten year old who'd been touched by her father. The thirteen year old who'd been raped. The Thirteen year old who'd tried to die. The sixteen year old who'd nearly succeeded. There were some things I'd never get back. I stared up at the ceiling, trying to think of the name I wanted. Something powerful. Something unique, and not at all associated with my old life. Something like…  
Neferet. That was the name Nyx told me

_to let you blame it on me_

_and set your guilt free_

_I don't want to hold you back now love_

Naturally, since it was 'my fault' he returned. And again, and again. The one conversation I had that I will forever remember, was when I'd asked him if he felt any remorse to anything he'd done to this family, I had meant myself, obviously, but he'd jumped into the defensive.  
"I have never hurt anyone else! What do you know?"

_I can't change who I am_

_Not this time, I won't lie to keep you near me_

_And in this short life, there's no time to waste on giving up_

_My love wasn't enough_

I was fairly sure that meant he'd killed mother. Well, not this time! I was no going to do another thing for him. He'd taken mother away from me, and my childhood. Well, I wasn't going to lie about that anymore. I was going to tell someone. So, I got out of the infirmary, and walked to the High Priestess's room.

"I have something to tell you." I started, when she asked me to continue, I let the whole, horrible story out. Day by day, incident by incident, suicide attempt by suicide attempt. By the end of the story, I was crying and for the first time in months I just let myself cry. Pandora, the High Priestess pulled me in, and gave me a hug, whispering platitudes about how it was all going to get better now. At the time, I believed her, but now, now I can see it was generic bullshit. Just because I was free, didn't mean I could get better. There are some things from which you never heal.

_And you can blame it on me_

_Just set your guilt free, honey_

_I don't want to hold you back now love_

But it was far from over.

And there would come a time when I was sick of being the scapegoat.

When the song ended, I looked out my window, knowing the next thing I remembered would be the most painful. The one that could break me. I turned to the Darkness that clouded around me, aware of my increasing agitation.

"why does your master insist I endure this" I demanded

"he is not the one forcing you into this Tsi Sgili."

"who then?" I demanded

"Nyx." It told me. That, I had been certain of ever since it told me it wasn't it's master.

**Well, hi. I'm not sure about when my updates are going to be, because of skating. I have it every week day, until Thursday/Friday, when I go to compete. I may put in a few late updates due to that. Thanks for understanding. Review Kshade out**


	6. Him

**Well, here's the scene. Halfmoon will recognise her character. Good on her for giving me a challenge.**

_Do you worry that you're not liked  
How long till you break  
You're happy cause you smile  
But how much can you fake  
An ordinary boy an ordinary name  
But ordinary's just not good enough today  
_  
It had been my first day at the House of Night when I met him. He had actually cared about me. He was just fascinating. For one thing, the first thing he asked me was whether I knew that we didn't bite. I replied by asking him what kind of bite-free Vampyre he was going to be. He laughed, and said that he'd only said that because I was acting tense. Like I was trying to fit perfectly with the rest of the students. "When you get this tense, you snap." He explained "And I think we kinda like you, so we want you around." I shrugged.

"Hey, relax. Are you the intense type naturally?" He asked.

"My life has sucked from age ten. Don't blame me." I snapped

"She looks happy enough to me" One of the other fledglings shrugged "she's smiling"

"Is that your logic? She's Happy because she smiles? How naïve are you?" The other guy shrugged, he turned to me. "You're in pain, and that you can't fake over."

"Who the hell are you anyways" I demanded "What gives you the right to intrude?"

"Blake Winters." He smiled "and Nyx gave me an affinity for other people's emotions. I can sense them. I can also do this" I felt a ripple of calm engulf me

"Better?" He asked

"Incredibly." I sighed "I'm Neferet, by the way." He was just an ordinary boy, but he made me feel living. This was going to be the start of something wonderful. My present self sighed at the naïve thoughts of my past counterpart. This wouldn't end well.

_Alone I'm thinking  
Why is superman dead  
Is it in my head  
We'll just laugh instead  
You worry about the weather and  
Whether or not you should hate_

When I was alone that night, in my dorm, I thought about my general hopelessness. I re-evaluated my outlook. Regardless of the consequences, I would never regret meeting Blake. I wondered why my metaphoric Superman was dead and gone. Yes, I had a general distrust of men, but Blake was a boy, my age. He was a happy, innocent naïve child, like I should be. I should be your typical sixteen year old girl, dreaming about her superman, or her prince charming, in modern lingo. I laughed at my dark outlook on life, I was safe now, why not live a little? This terrible, cold, loveless world was only within my former home, and my head. The latter could be fixed. The present me scoffed at the notion, yet my past version was clueless as of yet, to the world's cruelties, having only endured the start of a difficult life. I laughed at the trivial things I could worry about now that I was free. Weather rather than abuse, catty girls instead of suicide attempts. Never had I been this free.

_Are you worried about your faith  
Kneel down and obey  
You're happy you're in love  
You need someone to hate  
An ordinary girl an ordinary waist  
But ordinary's just not good enough today_

I wondered about Blake's life. Was he concerned, as was Magenta (my roommate) that he was going to Hell. I laughed at the notion. Blake was an angel, a gift from Nyx, he was the best of us, and if he was damned to Hell, as were we all. While the rest of us obeyed everything with no questions, he argued, he asked for the reasons. He would not just obey blindly, like a lemming, he had integrity, personality. Nyx herself spoke to him, and he didn't just listen, he lived her word.

"So, Neferet" He once asked "What was your other life like?"

I didn't wish to speak of it, but I could, to him. He was Nyx's voice in my life. "I had no family, I had a personal Hell, and a dead mother. I endured six years of torment. I hope to Nyx your life was better."

He shrugged, and sent an addictive wave of calm through me "My life was average."

"I would've killed for average. As is, I got close" I showed him my wrists, where the scars were. He was indignant. I knew his motivation. He was in love with the world, but he wasn't complete without something to protest to. Something to hate. He was a protester, the type to fight injustices, but without an injustice, he was almost lonely. Missing something. I'd done him a kindness, by letting him in.

_Alone I'm thinking  
Why is superman dead  
Is it in my head  
We'll just laugh instead  
You worry about the weather and  
Whether or not you should hate_

So the next time I was alone, I wondered why the concept of Superman was so extinct. Was no one still there to believe in love? In finding someone meant for you. In the week I'd known Blake, everything seemed to fall into place in my life. Classes were easy, people were kind, the Dark Daughters even invited me to join them. I saw the world through rose tinted glasses, rather than grey. I laughed off my self-imposed mental damage. But I was addicted to Blake, and the way he calmed me. The way he made me feel alive. Without him, I was the same broken Neferet from my human life. With him, I could laugh about life's trivialities, with Blake, I was happy, for the first time since age ten.

_Doesn't anybody ever know that the  
World's a subway..._

The world was mine and his to live in. And I loved it. I slowly let him deeper and deeper into my mind, into my life. I held nothing back. After a month, he knew as much about me as I did. And I knew him like no other here did. Blake was mine, and I was his. Forever. My present self sighed and facepalmed at the statement. There was so much yet to happen. This night, in the present, I wished for nothing more than a ripple of the calming effect Blake had on me.

**So, why do you think this was the dreaded memory? I know, but it won't come up for a while. Enjoy (Which is now possible) KShade out**


	7. Nightmare

**Umm, sorry for falling off the face of the earth, temporarily. This chapter is a nightmare... literally.**

**All that I'm living for-Evanescence**

All was not quite perfect though, by day, when I was alone, I was just scared little Emily Wheiler. And the nightmares were awful. Truthfully, they were still awful. I turned the radio down, and tried to sleep.

_All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
_

No way. The music couldn't be dredging that back up too. I wasn't going to let it. But, when I closed my eyes to sleep, all I saw was the nightmare. The same nightmare that I'd always seen, since I was sixteen. I wished I could stop seeing it, but I would never be free, I feared.

_I can feel the night beginning.  
Separate me from the living.  
Understanding me,  
After all I've seen.  
Piecing every thought together,  
Find the words to make me better.  
If I only knew how to pull myself apart_.

It started out with me just walking through a darkened corridor. All I saw were faces of the dead. People who I'd killed: Loren, Patricia, Shekina, Jack, Linda and several others as well as people I'd known who died: My mother, and others whose names were too painful to think. My mother's ghost floated ahead of me, understanding in her eyes, mixed with sorrow. Though I couldn't stop her, and I couldn't stop myself, I tried. Still, I walked after her. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and she disappeared, making me have to continue alone. But she would be back. When I got to the end of the tunnel was my family living room. I wanted to stop, or die or something. I wanted to be anywhere but here.

_All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me._

Father was arguing with Mother. He shoved her into the wall, and I heard a crack, from her head hitting the wall. Mother has tears in her eyes, but she does not give up. She tries to stay still. Father throws such a string of profanities at her that it's amazing she can still look at him. The disgust and anger in her eyes were intense enough to burn holes into the wall.

"One last chance, Evelyn, Are you going to go my way?" he demanded roughly

Mother spat in his face and told him, in quite colourful terms, what to do with his way. A dangerous look crept into Father's face. "Go then!" He cried, and hurled the keys to her car at her. "But poor little Emmie will have to take your place"

"Don't touch my daughter" she sprinted to the car, to go get me, and take us off to Grandma's. Father was too fast. He stole the neighbour's car, and sped after her. He hit the gas as hard as he could, and sent the car careening into the driver's side of Mother's car. Then He saw that I was somehow watching. Loren pushed me into the scene, aided by everyone that I'd hurt.

I believe that dreams are sacred.  
Take my darkest fears and play them  
Like a lullaby,  
Like a reason why,  
Like a play of my obsessions,  
Make me understand the lesson,  
So I'll find myself,  
So I won't be lost again.

Father attacked me, torn between raping me, and killing me. But his face changed every ten seconds. He was Father, then he was Kalona, Then he was Loren, next Aurox. The last incarnation he would settle on was Blake, and seeing the hatred on Blake's face, feeling every blow from Blake's hands hurt most. I screamed, but the only thing there to see was Zoey Redbird, who laughed. Laughed and brought her little friends, who cheered him on. This dream had to happen for a reason. It was sent to teach me something, but I could never determine what.

_All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.  
_

Then, Blake morphed back into Father, and a different, actual Blake came walking back in. He tried to save me, so Zoey held me back with a wall of fire, as Father shot him. Bang, and he was dead. Then, the fire became a ring around me, and some sort of ghost-Blake, who whispered "It's all your fault", and pushed me into the fire. To die. And I did, but not without witnessing how happy everyone else was. Everyone could be happy without me. Even Blake didn't care that I was dead. He who _I'd known _loved me.

_Guess I thought I'd have to change the world to make you see me,  
To be the one.  
I could have run forever,  
But how far would I have come  
Without mourning your love?_

I awoke with a scream. That was the worst the dream had been in years. I took a few deep breaths. I was okay. I was okay. The song in the background annoyed me. It annoyed me because without the music, I wouldn't endure all this. I walked to disconnect the radio, when the singer sang the words "Without mourning your love" I felt a twinge of something long buried. Sorrow. Damn you, singer. I looked down at my fingertips, a which were bleeding again from me panicking in my nightmare.

_All that I'm living for,  
All that I'm dying for,  
All that I can't ignore alone at night.  
All that I'm wanted for,  
Although I wanted more.  
Lock the last open door, my ghosts are gaining on me.  
_

I got up to lock the door, and I stopped to think. What did I live for? Power. That was simple. What would I die for? This answer came grudgingly, to be free from my past. For some reason, it was easier to admit that to myself when I was here, alone at noon, sitting in my darkened room. I mulled over what I was going to do tomorrow. I was now wanted by the vampyre community, so, I was going to earn my wanted-ness. I was going to step out of the shadows I hid in, and free myself from the inconvenience that was Zoey Redbird, finally, because she'd seen too much.

_Should it hurt to love you?  
Should I feel like I do?  
Should I lock the last open door,  
My ghosts are gaining on me. _

But these last words paused my imaginings of such beautiful chaos, such perfect disaster. Love. Should it hurt to love you? Should I feel like I do? But I didn't love him. I never had. Or, that was what was easiest to think… the real version was far more complicated, far more painful, with blood and tears shed, and a choice that destroyed part of me.

**Well, that was a dramatic ending, even by my standards…. KShade out**


	8. Darkness

**Thanks for reading/reviewing.**

I awoke to another song on. Another memory, this one oddly easier to think of. The day I discovered Darkness.

_Can you feel that?_

_Ah, shit_

I was walking one morning, before classes, in the amorphous time between day and night. It was then that I felt it. A… stirring. Like something within me moving. An emotion I'd never let free., hatred.

"No" A raspy, serpentine voice whispered "Something you were never allowed to feel"

the hatred seethed, like liquid destruction in my veins. Why did everyone have to control me? I obeyed no one

"Who" I demanded "Who stopped me?" the tone in my voice could cut glass.

I saw an image in my mind, first of my father, screaming at me. Then, of Blake with his addictive calming abilities.

"Yes, like a sedative to your mind. Narcotic, if you will" the voice whispered.

_Drowning deep in my sea of loathing_

_Broken your servant I kneel_

_(Will you give in to me?)_

_It seems what's left of my human side_

_Is slowly changing in me_

_(Will you give in to me?_

I felt another flash of hatred run through me. My Blake, who I trusted above all else was controlling me. Unbelievable. "How do I get freed of it?" I asked

"Kill him" it explained "with my power"

I felt hesitant. I mean, I liked Blake. But, it felt like that tiny hesitance was trapped in an ocean of loathing. Whoa. I needed to go see him. He'd keep it back, so I could be logical. But why did I want to hold it back?

_Looking at my own reflection_

_When suddenly it changes_

_Violently it changes (oh no)_

_There is no turning back now_

_You've woken up the demon in me_

I ran back to my dorm as fast as my legs would carry me. I sprinted to the bathroom, hoping that as I splashed cold water on myself, I'd snap out of it. I'd just considered killing someone. Considered killing my… whatever Blake was to me. I looked up at the mirror, and it wasn't me looking back. Or, it was, it just wasn't the 'me' that I knew then. Meaning Fledgling me saw current-me. But to her it was just someone imposing. Someone who had long, auburn hair, and emerald eyes. Eyes that were full of Darkness. She had a painted-on, red smile that looked sinister, like she was planning something. She was a vampyre, with blue marks. She wore a dress that appeared to be painted on her. The kind of dress that this Neferet would be scared to wear, for obvious reasons. "Who are you?" I stammered

"I" she started "Am you, or who you could be. I'm the Darkness in you"

Get up, come on get down with the sickness

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Open up your hate, and let it flow into me_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_You mother get up come on get down with the sickness_

_You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness_

_Madness is the gift, that has been given to me_

"The what?" I demanded

"The Darkness. I am you, but I accepted Darkness. See how powerful it makes me?"

I looked at her incredulously as she blasted the urn atop the counter. The one on my end broke too. "How long has it been since you were comfortable with yourself?" The Neferet in the mirror demanded. "Look at me." She gestured to the generous cleavage to her tight black dress "I can wear this without fear. Because the Darkness can kill father. I got to watch him die. You know, watching that was just like everything I'd always wanted."

"You watched him die?" I shrieked

"Tell me you've never imagined it." She snapped "Never fantasized about killing him. I'm you, so you can cut whatever moral high ground shit you've got right now, because I know."

"Yeah, I've imagined it. I've imagined my own death, too. You don't see me acting on that."

"How many years did that fucker take from us?" She demanded "Six, right. Almost seven. You know, the madness is a gift, really"

_I can see inside you, the sickness is rising_

_Don't try to deny what you feel_

_(Will you give in to me?)_

_It seems that all that was good has died_

_And is decaying in me_

_(Will you give in to me?)_

"A gift?!" I asked incredulously. I felt the hatred surge involuntarily as my roommate banged on the door.

"I am you. I can tell that the Darkness in you is rising." She smirked. "Don't bullshit me." I was uncomfortable with her language.

"Come on." She laughed "You've swore before."

I thought back to when I cursed at the maid. And later when I cursed at Father as he slowly ripped off the gauze. "Yeah, and he acted on the word."

She smirked "I remember that."

That's twisted that she could smirk about that. Everything good has died within her. I would not give in. I wouldn't!

"No, I can't laugh about that. You're right. But I can laugh about all the things he said as I tortured him" she smiled wistfully "Do you want to hear what I did?"

And the scary part was that a part of me did.

_It seems you're having some trouble_

_In dealing with these changes_

_Living with these changes (oh no)_

_The world is a scary place_

_Now that you've woken up the demon in me_

So I ran from the bathroom, to find Blake. The other girls watched amusedly as I ran from the dorm. As I ran up the stairs. As I ran into the guys dorm, to see if he was there. Anthony, the campus womanizer stood behind the door.

"Whoa there, new-girl, you're in sacred guy territory."

I laughed bitterly and tried to push past him.

"Words beautiful," he smirked "I can't read your mind"

"I'm here for Blake." I explained "So, if you don't mind, I'll be on my way."

He pushed me back more insistently "Why does Winters get room service?" Room service? I felt the hatred rip through me again. Normally I would've left, but I was through taking crap from men. The world was going to be a scary place for those who tried to screw me over.

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Open up your hate, and let it flow into me_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_You mother get up come on get down with the sickness_

_You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness_

_Madness is the gift, that has been given to me_

I pushed him back, harder "There's no room service here. Now move."

Anthony looked at me like I was crazy. "You talk back to me, new-girl?"

I got into his personal space "Screw with me and I will"

"Screw with you?" He asked "gladly."

I willed the 'Darkness' the older me had revered to flow into me and strengthen me. Anthony pressed me against the wall, and I sent a foot into his crotch "I said 'don't touch me'" I pushed him again. HE didn't take the not-so-subtle hint. Fine by me. I let the Darkness take over, and I started to tear into him, fists and feet flying.

_(And when I dream) [x4]_

_No mommy, don't do it again_

_Don't do it again_

_I'll be a good boy_

_I'll be a good boy, I promise_

_No mommy don't hit me_

_Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy?_

_Don't do it, you're hurting me_

_Why did you have to be such a bitch_

_Why don't you,_

_Why don't you just fuck off and die_

_Why can't you just fuck off and die_

_Why can't you just leave here and die_

_Never stick your hand in my face again bitch_

_FUCK YOU_

_I don't need this shit_

_You stupid sadistic abusive fucking whore_

_How would you like to see how it feels mommy_

_Here it comes, get ready to die_

I guess I was fantasizing that he was father. His hand struck me. I whimpered involuntarily, and the balance of power shifted. He turned on me. I started to hallucinate. "No" I whispered "Why? Don't hurt me" I felt myself weaken at the mention "I don't know what I did wrong. Don't hurt me."

He dealt me another blow "I've done everything you said, Father. Stop! You're hurting me now." I felt a fist go into my arm "I said STOP! Why can't you accept that! Don't touch me again or I'll-" Teasingly, he poked my shoulder.

"I SAID NO!" I shoved him back and the image of father dissuaded. I felt the darkness strengthen me for round two.

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_Open up your hate, and let it flow into me_

_Get up, come on get down with the sickness_

_You mother get up come on get down with the sickness_

_You fucker get up come on get down with the sickness_

_Madness has now come over me_

"You're fucked up, you know that?" He spit out blood, lying limply on the ground. "I've done everything you said, Father. Stop! You're hurting me now." He drawled in a shrill falsetto.

"Shut up!" I growled "You know nothing about me."

He laughed "I know that you're too damn sensitive, a complete nut-job, full of Daddy-issues and here for Blake"

"I also throw a mean punch." I smirked "And don't ever forget it" I saw my face in the entryway mirror, and the other Neferet winked back before disappearing. My face looked identical, albeit younger. The Darkness was evident in my eyes, which were darker, nearly black.

"Madness has now come over you." I heard the other Neferet whisper. I felt sick. I ran from the room.

"Neferet?" I heard Blake call after me. I ran faster, I couldn't let him see me like this.

**Well, that's the new chapter. I hope you enjoyed it.**


	9. Choice pt1

I sighed and waited for the radio to turn off. I flicked the off switch. The music persisted. The announcer declared that "Now we're trying something special! Here comes our song mix! Phone in a name for it and you could win!" I sighed, hoping it wouldn't be too bad. That's when I hear the opening chord to Make me wanna Die, with the guitar part to Life Starts Now over it. (Bold is Make me wanna die, italicized is life starts now.)

**Take me, I'm alive**

** Never was a girl with a wicked mind**

_You think that everything's wrong,_

**But everything looks better**

** When the sun goes down**

_Ask me how to carry on,_

I ran from Blake, not wanting him to see the Darkness I'd given myself to. I felt the thrill of the elusive substance creeping over my skin as I ran, like shivers down my spine. My twisted mind was already mulling over how to kill Father.

"Neferet!" Blake called "are you alright?" I wanted to say no, but if I did, it wouldn't end there. _I can't do this _I thought. I'm going to have to choose Blake or Darkness.

**I had everything**

_We'll make it through_

**Opportunities for eternity **

_Another day_

**And I could belong to the night**

_Just hold on_

I could have everything, power, immortality and the position of High Priestess, that's what Darkness promised me. But a part of me wanted more. It was greedy, but I wanted a consort as well. I wanted Blake. I stopped running, and felt the calm rush through me. That was Blake's way of saying that everything would be fine. I looked at my eyes in the hall mirror, they were still full of darkness. This was not fine. I was not going to be fine. I couldn't have Blake see me like this.

**Your eyes, your eyes**

** I can see in your eyes, your eyes**

He caught up to me and I tried not to look him in the eyes as he spoke. "Why did you run, Neferet?"

"I'm late for classes." I lied, feeling dread well up in the pit of my stomach.

"You're half an hour late for classes and you were hanging around the boys dorm." He amended my statement

"I was passing by" I lied

"You were in the middle of the common room." He pointed out "Why is there blood on your hands?" _shit_ I thought _the blood_

He put his hands on the sides of my face and made me look into his eyes. I saw shock flit through his clear blue eyes. "Neferet, your eyes!"

I broke down and told him everything, about the voice and the Other Neferet and going to find him, and how I attacked Anthony. Blake grew more and more worried-looking

**You make me wanna die**

_ Cause life starts now,_

**I'll never be good enough**

_You've done all the things_

_That could kill you somehow_

I felt… tainted, unworthy. That look in his eyes was awful. It was like there was something wrong with me. Something awful and dark and tainted. There was something that made me feel unworthy… inferior. I was not inferior. I was Neferet. I was through standing in other people's shadows. I looked back at him defiantly. I was worthy. I endured more hardships at age ten then the majority of my peers have now. And I survived. So why is it that a single look from Blake made me feel inferior?

_Because he's in your head. _The Darkness explained _you've grown… attached to the mortal, have you not?_

No. I was through being manipulated.

**You make me wanna die**

_And you're so far down_

**And everything you love**

** Will burn up in the light**

_But you will survive this_

_Somehow because_

_Life starts now_

I suppose he realized he was acting falsely superior "I guess that was sort of his fault." Blake said unconvincingly "I mean, he made an ass out of himself and he paid for it. He didn't really know what happened to you and all, but regardless. I'm babbling so I'm going to shut up." he stammered

I skewered him with my eyes, cutting through the crap "You don't mean any of that. You fear me because of it." I said flatly

"No, I pity you. None of this is going to get you what you want. Hell, all you've ever wanted is someone who cared for you."

I laughed dryly "Yeah, here's the thing. I don't care about that anymore. I have power now. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want to whoever I want. Nothing controls me anymore"

"Wrong." He interrupted "You're mortal. Nyx is your goddess. She can still have a say in your life."

Those words killed my power trip. I guess that was when I decided that I had to be more powerful than Nyx.

_You say you feel so down,_

_Every time I turn around_

**And every time**

** I look inside your eyes**

** You make me wanna die**

_You say you should've_

_Been gone by now, _

I sighed "I suppose you're right." The condescension faded from his eyes almost entirely as I spoke. "Yeah, I figured. But I get where you're coming from." he said solemnly "Given… everything" He wasn't comfortable with talking about my past more than that. "You'd want power, to ensure that you weren't a victim again of anything of that sort"

"You don't need to tiptoe around it. It's not going to accidentally bring back anything" I snapped "I'm not fragile!" I felt like the expression of pity on his face was worse than him hating me for it.

"So, why did you do that then? Why did you try to kill Anthony if you're not… altered form it? He would've gone away if you'd smacked him once or something." He wanted me to admit it.

"Why did you ask me that? You can feel my agitation; you knew I was on edge." I questioned angrily

He sighed "Because I love you, but you're damned stubborn." He pulled me in towards him, and kissed me lightly. I felt a thrill ripple through me. No one had ever kissed me like that, gently, tenderly, like an equal. I felt myself lose resistance and let go of Darkness. How was I going to choose when I was yo-yoing between Blake and Darkness? Power and Love.


	10. Choice pt2

**Taste me, drink my soul**

_Because life starts now_

** Show me all the things**

** That I shouldn't know**

_And you're so far down_

**And there's a blue moon on the rise**

_But you will survive it somehow_

He kissed me gently, tenderly, like an equal. I felt myself lose resistance and let go of Darkness. How was I going to choose when I was yo-yoing between Blake and Darkness? Power and Love. None of that mattered now. I felt only the love—no not that word yet, affection between us. I pushed his mouth towards my neck, trying to make him drink.

"Neferet?" he asked "are you sure?"

"You think I haven't already thought about it?" I asked, truth be told, I hadn't. Blake moved his mouth back to my neck, and bit into it lightly, bringing a light amount of blood. This felt so forbidden, exchanging blood in the middle of the corridor. Also, the way it made me feel was something so foreign, caught between love and lust. Two things I never thought would be a part of my life. He stopped. "I shouldn't take any more" he explained

I pushed him against the wall, exerting the strength the Darkness had lent me "Then show me how to."

He sighed "Not here. Not now. Later I will, but you have to get to class and a prof could walk through here any minute."

It annoyed me that he was making the decision for me.

"Neferet. Look, this is the start of… everything, really. You're trying to do too much at once. You're a new fledgling, you're safe and then there's me. Life starts now and you need to rise up to the challenge and keep going. Missing classes with me won't help you"

"Being with you helps me." I argued

**I had everything**

_I hate to see you fall down,_

_I'll pick you up off the ground_

**Opportunities for eternity**

** And I could belong to the night**

He offered to walk me to class, probably to ensure I went. On the way, we passed the dorm, where Anthony still lay limply on the ground.

"You're fucked, Winters. Girl's going to kill you." He muttered

Blake laughed tensely, seeing the damage I'd done. "I keep my hands to myself, Elson." He replied, looking like he wanted to help this fellow fledgling.

"How's your face?" Anthony demanded bitterly

"Nothing I'm not used to in my other life." I replied bitterly, thinking of all the more painful things that had happened to me

"Oh, right, I forgot. Your girl has the daddy issues to end all daddy issues." Anthony laughed darkly "No, don't hurt me! I've done everything you said father, stop." He said in a falsetto

"Shut up" my voice took on an edge that sounded menacing. I remembered the power I'd felt when Darkness strengthened me. When I showed Anthony not to screw with me. I mean, I could do anything. I could never die. I could amass the power to do virtually anything. But then there was Blake, and more imminently, Nyx.

Blake grabbed my arm.

"Neferet, don't. He's just trying to rile you up and" Blake warned

**Your eyes, your eyes**

_I've watched the weight of_

_Your world come down_

** I can see in your eyes, your eyes**

** Everything in your eyes, your eyes**

"Neferet, your eyes." he cut himself off. "They're full of Darkness again." Yeah, they're supposed to be. I needed to make Anthony shut up.

"I understand this is hard for you, and Anthony really isn't helping by bringing it up." Blake started "but you have to be the bigger person."

I laughed "he knows. I can't have him know"

"He knows nothing. Or, next to nothing" Blake explained

My Darkness filled eyes met Blake's light blue eyes. "Anything is too much. I cannot entrust him with"

He cut me off, shaking his head. The way the light caught his blonde hair distracted me. It was the polar opposite to the way the darkness looked in my eyes. "Neferet. What's the worst that could happen? Yeah, so what if he knows a little about you, I know infinitely more and you don't want to kill me, do you?"

"He could tell someone." I insisted "the minute they know" I trailed off

"Anthony knows that your family wasn't the best, and that _maybe_ you and your dad didn't get along so well. No more." Blake tried to calm me, but I shielded my mind with the Darkness.

"No." I snapped "You stay the hell out of my head!"

**You make me wanna die**

_ Cause life starts now,_

**I'll never be good enough**

_You've done all the things_

_That could kill you somehow_

Blake stepped back "You're not thinking clearly. Whatever that is, it's possessing you or something and you need to fight it." He pleaded

I skewered him with my eyes. "Why? For once, I'm in control of my life. For once, I'm safe. Just once, I want to see what happens if I use this." I snapped

"But Neferet, what about Nyx? Those powers aren't from her. Just seeing that in your eyes, I can tell." he started

"And that's the thing, isn't it. I'll never be good enough. You'll never see me as more than the poor, fragile girl who you can save. I don't need saving! Look at me!" I seethed as Blake looked away "I'm fine the way I am! I have power now. And if it's not from Nyx, then maybe something greater than her decided to finally even the score."

"Damn right you're fragile." Anthony snapped "if you weren't, I'd be walking right now."

"You_ need to shut up!_" I screamed

"Do I hear students not in class?" I heard a teacher demand

I cursed. "Blake. They can't see me like this" I whispered urgently

"Then control it" he snapped "this is your life, so if you want to mess with stuff that can probably kill you, I'm not helping you to hide it."

**You make me wanna die**

_And you're so far down_

**And everything you love**

** Will burn up in the light**

_But you will survive this_

_Somehow because_

_Life starts now_

"So, even you won't stand by me?" I demanded "that's not fair, Blake. I trusted you." I felt a familiar pain. One that I'd known for most of my life. Betrayal. I didn't know how to cope with it without my scissors. Without cutting. I asked the Darkness to leave, and felt myself become more mortal upon its exit. The bruise bloomed on my cheek from its exit, I felt weaker, even a little dizzy from losing blood and, alarmingly, the feeling of betrayal became stronger. There was nothing for it to share my head with now.

"Sometimes, I wish Nyx had just let me die." I spat at Blake

He shook his head "Don't say that. Look, you even got rid of that stuff. Light triumphs again. And you lived. But now we have to run."

I bitterly wondered if the things I needed weren't going to burn up in the 'light' he thought would win.

"You tell anyone and I'll make you wish Nyx never marked you." I snapped, glaring at Anthony.

Then, I got an idea. "Blake. I need you to go down and get the High Priestess. You woke up late and discovered that Anthony and I were attacked."

"I said I wasn't going to-" he started

"Yeah, well, the Darkness is gone now, and it's not coming back." I lied "They'll expel me. I'll die. Please" I begged.

**And every time**

** I look inside your eyes**

_All this pain_

_Take this life and make it yours,_

** (Burning in the light)**

_All this hate_

_Take your heart and let it love again,_

**Make me wanna die**

_You will survive this somehow_

He ran to go get the teachers, screaming for help the entire way.

"You are a manipulative, fucked up little" Anthony couldn't find a name demeaning enough

"Well, takes one to know one." I smirked

Blake came running, with the High Priestess in tow. I figured this was my cue to be hysterical.

"What happened?" She asked, alarmed, her dark eyes wide

"It was It was t-th-th-the It was" I burst into tears to stall so I could come up with an excuse. All I had to do was think about the life I'd had as a human "M-m-my father." I lied "H-he came to g-get me. I was going to class and I saw him so I ducked in here and" I stopped and forced myself to cry harder

"Did he hurt you?" she asked gently

"Anthony t-tried to p-protect me and, and, and Father attacked him. I tried to stop him, but he hit me and then I heard Blake waking up and h-he ran away?" I finished, putting my head into my hands to conceal my smirk at succeeding.

"Mr. Winters, if you could escort Neferet to class, I need to get Anthony to the infirmary, immediately."

Blake smiled "Sure thing." I still felt like he didn't trust me, and I hated the feeling.

"Are you okay?" He asked, once we were out of earshot

"Fine," I lied "Just a little messed up from everything."

He sent a wave of calm through me "Somehow, you're going to be okay."

**I would die for you, my love, my love**

_And now it's your chance_

_To move on, _

**I would lie for you, my love, my love**

** (Make me wanna die)**

_Change the way you've lived for so long,_

**I would steal for you, my love, my love**

** (You make me wanna die)**

_Find the strength you've had inside all along_

** I would die for you, my love, my love**

"Why did you blame your dad?" Blake asked me later, after classes, sitting on a bench outside.

"I felt like it was about time something bad happened to him." I explained "Why, do you not like it?" I demanded

"Just curious." He explained "Do you mind if I ask one more question?"

I sighed "If I can."

"How did you discover the stuff I saw in your eyes?" He asked. I had to lie. Otherwise he might be tempted into it, and I couldn't have him turn. He'd lose who he was

"I don't know." I lied. Anything to keep Blake like he was, good. He always was the best part of me.

"What's it like being free?" He asked "after everything, I would imagine it's fairly new still."

New for the past two months? "Being free is amazing." I started "Just being able to wake up in the morning with no injuries and go to sleep without having to barricade my door, and living every moment between those two things without fears, is amazing."

Blake smiled "that's what I like about you, you're strong. No one else could take that and keep going. I smiled and thought to myself that with someone like that by my side, I wouldn't need the Darkness.

**Every time I look inside your eyes**

_Life starts now,_

** I'm burning in the light**

_You've done all the things_

_That could kill you somehow_

** I look inside your eyes**

** I'm burning in the light**

_And you're so far down_

** I look inside your eyes**

** You make me wanna die**

_Life starts now…_

I pulled out of the memory, thinking about how wrong I was. Ironic that had I used the Darkness just once more, he might still be with me. But then I'd have those haunting blue eyes on me, telling me that despite everything I gained, I would still never be good enough. And the Light that he carried would burn me more than had Sylvia Redbird's turquoise. I laughed bitterly. Even looking at him would probably burn me now. This was another life, one he didn't belong in. I was not remotely the same Neferet. So, why did these memories still hurt to remember? Why did I still feel like I wasn't good enough for someone who'd died a century ago?

The song ended. I heard the DJ begin to speak. "Now remember, anyone with a name for my mash up, phone in and you could win! You'll get to tell us your playlist and we'll air it for you! This is coming up after these messages." The commercials began to play. Of course, little did I know just who was going to win…

**Well, this was written on a day where I *shoulda* been in class… Unfortunately, I was busy rejecting the change. (jk) Expect updates on one other story Sunday. KShade out.**


	11. Another Prayer Unheard

**Okay, now here's the latest chapter of Neferet's curse, in which the poopie hits the fan.**

_You've got your wish tonight  
Crosses to crucify  
Big eyes, hot crimes  
Undressed, the best of times_

I awoke to the sound of Magenta, my roommate, screaming. Absently, I tried to open my eyes. There was only blackness. I could feel the scratchy slip of fabric over my eyes. I tried to move my hands, but my wrists were bound together. I felt a blind jolt of fear rip through me. I tried to move my legs, to feel that my ankles were bound as well.

"Magenta! Help me!" I cried, hyperventilating in fear, and feeling lightheaded. I'll never forget the words she sobbed out in response

"I can't. He's said it's either you or me. He t-told me what he'd d-do to me. I can't." she sobbed the words out.

That was when I knew what was going on. Father had come for me. Tonight, I knew, with painful certainty, that he was going to have his way. I couldn't fight. His voice crowed through the room, darkly "Ah, Neferet, as they call you now, Do you have any idea what you've put me through?" he demanded "How you blamed me?" He raised his voice up an octave, to a high pitched imitation of mine "My father returned for me! He tried to hurt me again! That's why he's being tried for murdering the fledgling."

Magenta gasped, and I was sure her eyes were the size of saucers. Mine widened "H-he died?" I asked apprehensively

"In the hospital, a week later. His family prohibited the other vampyres from ever knowing. You were told he transferred. You're the killer, Neferet. Not me, you. Which is why you deserve every second of this." He whispered. Magenta choked on a sob. He then lifted me, cool hands feeling terrifyingly close through my thin nightgown. I didn't know how to escape, but I knew if I didn't I was going to be hurt again.

_Commit your sister, fisted foes  
Pull the trigger, let them know  
Killed myself, I killed us both  
and I'm happy to be there_

I tried to call the Darkness, that would get rid of the helplessness, would kill Emily Wheiler, the girl I used to be. In ways, killing her was killing me, but I was willing to do anything to free myself from the fear that whipped through me as he carried me through the halls of the House of Night. "You scream," he'd warned "and I'll teach you what pain is. You know nothing, whining about your little hardships. You know absolutely nothing." He whispered

"Then why not just kill me?" I demanded "all you need is a gun, pull the trigger and you'll never have to worry about me." I tried to persuade him, knowing that it would hurt me _less_if he killed me. Hell, I would be happy. I died after meeting Blake, my last few months were good. In my life, or in the life Emily had lived, happiness was a commodity, and I was certain my time was up. As we passed one hall, I was uncertain as to where it was, as I still saw only black, he dropped me., and removed my blindfold. It was Blake's dormitory, where I'd had my fight. "The scene of the crime, Neferet. Neferemily." He changed his mind, deciding he'd call me a mixture of my past name and my new name. I got the idea to leave Blake a message.

I need it... x4  
I need... x2  
I need it...  
Until I want it...  
I want it... x3  
I want... x2  
I want it...  
Until I need it...  
I need it... x3

_Paper. _I wanted and needed paper. Paper would be crucial, and a pen, a pencil, anything. Father laughed sadistically as he explained why he'd dropped me here. He wanted me to confess. Well, I could stall. I would find a pencil. Father bound me to the heater, declaring that he would make High Priestess Pandora hear my confession. I tried to snap the rope on my wrists. My wrists were bleeding by now, from scraping the skin off of them. I knew if I woke Blake, father would kill him, so I stifled my cry of pain as I fought to free my wrists. Finally, my right one slipped free., followed by my left. I found a notebook, and flipped it open, there was a pen on the inside. "Please" I wrote, cursing as father arrived, and blood from my scraped wrist rubbed onto the paper, leaving a red blotch at the bottom. "Father has me, help." I added hastily, signing it "N"

_Welcome to waste your life  
My vulgar valentine  
Cute crime, blonde highs  
You're fucked, the best of times_

"Neferet, why are you here?" Pandora demanded, her mouth popping into a comical 'o'.

"I brought her to the scene of her crime, Priestess." My father spoke.

"_Her crime?_" Pandora questioned, eyes widening "You assaulted her and killed the chivalrous young fledgling that tried to protect her!" I felt sick

Father mouthed the words "tell her."

I shook my head, still feeling sick.

Father mouthed the words "or else"

I began my tale. "I did it, Priestess. I killed him" my voice, and spirit cracked on _killed_. I just didn't want to do this anymore. My life had been a ridiculous array of different forms of torment, and I'd had it with always giving it one more day to be 'fine'. As far as I was concerned it was one day too late. I felt tears begin to slide down my face and I hated every one of them. I was weak.

"Neferet?" she recoiled like I was killing her. "Why, Neferet?"

He mouthed "lie"

I felt like I was going to throw up, or faint, or do both. "b-because he, he hurt me." I burst into tears at having to lie, and from fear of father hurting me again. All the freedom I'd fought for was a waste now, my new life was a waste now. I'd killed a kid, an innocent kid and now father was going to desecrate me. Pandora signed a witness-paper and requested I sign as well. I shakily signed the paper, noticing the date and feeling that hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Then, I suppose, I have to relinquish her to you for the trial." Pandora refused to meet my eyes, out of fear that I was dangerous, or shame that she was leaving me with a rapist, I wasn't sure.

A vulgar valentine's day. I was fucked.

_Then lift your heels and drown the pose  
Bend you over just to know  
Gorgeous whisper, pretty ghost  
I'm happy to be there _

Then, father snatched the paper and me. And ran for the door, not wanting to waste any time. He tripped, dropping me down the fourth floor stairwell. Each hard wooden step was agony on my bound body, and then, once I finally arrived in the bottom, I tried to get up. I wound up bent at an odd angle, with like a downward dog in yoga, with my butt in the air and my head and feet on the ground. My dad's hand crept up my leg, making me shiver. He jerked me to my feet, and then, wordlessly shoved me forward, causing me to hop awkwardly with my bound ankles. He cursed when he saw how the bindings were getting in the way. After all, he was in a hurry to make me pay.

"Neferemily." He whispered, using his new name for me "I'm going to unbind your ankles, and then I'm going to tie the rope back around your wrists. If you run, I will make you redefine pain."

I heard Pandora at the top of the stairs, running down as father hastily began to untie me, clearly regretting sending me with this monster. The minute my feet were free, I launched one of them to his face, ignoring the snapping sound his nose made, and ran. The scent of blood was everywhere, but being a third former, it wasn't particularly appealing. I was going to be free, and damned well happy to be there.

_I need it... x4  
I need... x2  
I need it...  
Until I want it...  
I want it... x3  
I want... x2  
I want it...  
Until I need it...  
I need it... x3_

I didn't so much want my freedom as desperately need it. Desperately needed to escape him. I heard my feet thudding on the ground, and the sharp rocks digging into my feet. My heard beat ridiculously fast as I ran faster than I had ever tried to run before. My lungs felt like they were going to collapse. Then, father began to chase me, screaming wildly. I pushed myself harder and my body rebelled, my field of vision narrowed, going fuzzy on the edges and my breath came in erratic pants.

My feet were bleeding profusely now. I didn't care if I could never walk again, I tried to run harder, faster. My throat burned from panting and I felt sick. One of the side effects of hyperventilating was vomiting. I didn't care. So what if I lost my lunch. So what. I heard father get into his car, and speed around, pulling in front of me. The roofless piece of tin barrelled before me, and I fell into the door.

He laughed, wiping blood off his nose "you're going to pay for that, bitch." He ran his hand down my cheek, wiping tears away and dragging his nails down my face. I was not going to flinch "but, first I'm going to have my nose fixed." He stopped at the home all the horrors had befell me in, the home I'd grown up in. Ther was a panic room in the front entry way that he led me to. In that, there lay an emerald green dress. He tore my nightgown off me and shoved me in there, locking the door. Now I was forced to play along and wear the dress.

_It's time to live with what you've done x2  
Saved by strangers, killed by ghosts (ghosts x2)_

I need it... x3

I slip the dress on, wanting to cover myself, somehow. It was long, obviously to discourage me from running, and it was tight, like it was a layer of emerald enamel painted over my already bruised flesh. It was also held up only by two tiny little straps at the top. The neckline dipped low at the front, revealing far more than was decent. That`s when I realized Father's error. He`d locked the door, but not shut it entirely, the dress was caught in the lock. The door was still open. I kicked it open to see that the house was locked from the outside, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I walked up to father's room, and saw a chest of drawers. I knew in one of them, there would be a tire iron he'd threatened me with once. Instead I found something better, my mother's journal.

Mother's writing documented every day in her life, so I flipped closer to the edge. It mentioned how "Richard has begun to scare me. I am no more than a willing body to him, an outlet for violence. Emily is too young to understand, to see the signs, the bruises and for that I'm thankful. I fear for her when she becomes older and figures out Richard's darker side. He will hurt her, and I will be, as ever powerless." The next day's entry was a letter

"Emily, you will never receive this, because Richard will surely burn it. It will only be another nail in my coffin. I am leaving to get you from school and then we'll flee. This is my contingency plan. I will leave my old journal to you. And hope you get this. Richard abused me, every way possible, It started when you were born, or even before. I didn't want to tell you, because you're ten years old and I didn't want to have you fear for me, constantly. Now, as I write this I fear not only that he will take my life, but yours as well. You are infinitely more precious to me. He will not likely kill you, but the horrors that will befall you will be worse than were he to take a knife to your throat. You need to run away, and I have instructed Martha to take you in. I love you so much and I hope it doesn't come to this, a letter to protect my ten year old daughter from the hands of her father.

Mommy" I felt my heart clench at that. Father had killed mother. In that moment, I knew that, with heart-stopping certainty.

He would pay, for not only taking my childhood, but also her life. I would make him pay for what he's done.

_I hold you close to let you go  
You pull the trigger, let them know  
Saved by strangers, killed by ghosts  
And I am happy to be there._

I continued my search, not hearing the door open. Instead, I was greeted to Father cursing when he saw the panic room door wide open. I cursed under my breath.

"Neferemily!" he cried "You disobeyed me. Do you know what that means?" he asked, I blanched. I had been caught. I tried to shove mother's journal away, but I ripped out the letter and forced the paper to go into the dress, where there was a rip between layers. Then, I shoved the journal into the drawer it came from. Father approached, looking determined.

"What are you doing in my room, Neferemily?" he demanded, tutting exaggeratedly "It makes me… very angry that you're in my room." He said simply, the look in his eyes being enough to kill.

Contempt radiated off me "You lied as well, today." I whispered, forcing him to come closer to me "when you said you were not a killer." I seized the tire iron from behind him, and held it in front of me "I don't want to do it, but I've killed someone before" I heard my voice speak, and feeling absolutely horrified. Did father deserve to die? Absolutely, for killing my mother and for all the things he did to me. Did I want to ever kill anyone else? At the time, no. The thought of killing someone nauseated me.

I ran with my tire iron to the downstairs window, and I hefted the heavy piece of forged metal and threw it through the window. The glass shattered instantly, and I began to run, but father was too fast, so just as I caught the attention of the neighbours, Father dragged me back in. Strangers could try to save me, but it was the ghosts of the past that were going to be the death of me.

_I need it... x4  
I need... x2  
I need it...  
Until I want it...  
I want it... x3  
I want... x2  
I want it...  
I said need it...  
I need it... x3  
I said need it...  
I need it... x3  
I said need it...  
I need it... x2  
I need..._

I need it... x5

I screamed until my throat was hoarse and I was dragged so deep into the house that I couldn't be heard. I was in another panic room, this one deep in the basement. Father made sure to bind my wrists and ankles. He ran his hands over my vulnerable body, and I tried to scream , but he shoved my head back into the wall.

"No. Screaming isn't going to help you, you just have to shut up and pray to your little goddess I choose to be merciful." He mused "but I'm not feeling merciful towards the girl who broke my nose and threatened me with a tire iron."

"You killed mother." I announced "and you may as well just kill me." Then, the doorbell rang. Father ran to answer it, leaving me bound. I helped myself up, and hopped to the base of the stairs. I heard Blake's voice from upstairs

"Is this Richard Wheiler?" He asked, I tried to hop up the stairs, but filed, tripping on the third step and falling to the bottom, which was agony on my bruises.

"Who are you?" my father asked gruffly

"I'm Blake Winters and I wanted an interview with the most successful bank-manager in the history of Chicago. Are you busy right now, sir?" Blake tried kissing up, I bent down, trying to stretch to my ankles, to untie myself. I felt a rippling pain travel up my over exerted muscles, I was stretching further than I ever had before, but this was a good pain. This was stretching pain, not torturous pain.

Upstairs, Father responded "I have a little matter to attend to in the basement, right now. Can you wait until after the weekend?" I stretched harder as Blake sent a ripple of calm down to me.

"I would greatly appreciate doing this sooner rather than later. It's for a thesis on the mindsets of successful people and you were the first man I thought of." Blake tried harder "so, can I please have five minutes of your time?"

Father's next words chilled me to the bone, and showed exactly how cold his heart was. "No. I have an important matter to attend to and I will not be stopped. Come back Monday morning if you want your interview." He snapped, slamming the door loudly, so it echoed like the slam of a gavel through the house. I screamed for Blake, praying to Nyx that he'd hear me.

But it was but another prayer unheard.

**The next chapter may take longer… (meaning a couple weeks… It's going to be a battle for me to not go overly graphic…) I have a vivid account of exactly how the mirror scene unfolded in my mind, but that's definitely … I don't actually know how to phrase it… It's a bit… shocking. Thanks to A Spell Uncast for beta-ing this. KShade out.**


	12. Mirrors and torment

**no music, and not for sensitive audiences. **

I sat in the cold basement, finally allowing tears of fear and pain to slip down my cheeks, wiping them on the dirty strips of cloth which bound my wrists. Even Blake couldn't save me. I felt the letter from mother begin to grow damp as my tears spattered from my cheeks, to the top of my dress. The cloth wrapped around my already-bruising wrists stung as I lifted it to my eyes, which burned from crying so hard. I heard my breath come in gasps as I sobbed, and hopped hopelessly back to the panic room. I knew I would only be in more trouble if I wasn't in there.

Every part of my body stung, from falling down four flights of stairs, and I knew by the end of this, I would be broken, defeated. I stifled more tears at that. I forced myself to try to be calm, to pray with every cell in my body that Nyx would save me.

But, Nyx was never there when I needed her. I heard every creak and thump as Father descended the stairs. The sounds were like the stairs screaming beneath his feet. Even the stairs were tormented by him, sturdy wooden things, far stronger than I was screamed and groaned as he debased them to his feet. I was hopeless. Not to mention, he knew my every weakness from when I was younger. Everything that would make me want to die.

The sound of his stiff, leather shoes thwacking against the cold concrete floor coupled with the sharp breaths I took, trying to stifle my tears sounded like dread given a voice. Particularly in a darkness so complete even I, as a fledgling, couldn't see. He would chose to have me sightless, knowing that not being able to control my surroundings made me feel helpless. Not to mention that I was bound up and wearing that damned dress. So I was helpless and exposed, exactly as he knew would throw me off. And I hated how it worked. I hated how I could feel fear gnawing at me, making my heart pump faster and my breath come in erratic pants. I heard a loud screech emitted from the door and saw the beam of a flashlight shine on me.

"Neferemily." He drawled, his eyes settling on me, like dark pools of liquid rage. There was a large bandage on his nose, holding it straight. He hadn't bothered to clean the blood off the bottom of his face, and by the flickering light of the flashlight, he looked even more insane. As if to punctuate him, the flashlight flichered and died, leaving him to light a single candle, so I could barely see, but I would see enough. Enough to make me regret not owning up to my own crime.

He started with the top of my dress, fumbling at the clasp at the top, giving up and tearing it away from my quivering form.

"Please" I stammered "I'll go to trial, just don't"

He never gave me the chance to finish. He moved to the bottom of the dress, where there was a small slit. He ripped up it until it went all the way up to my hip.

That's when his wandering hands came into play, experimenting with what made me wince. I cringed as he found my Achilles heel. But they didn't go below my waist. So I knew not to show weakness as he tried to make me plead for mercy.

"I want you to scream, Neferemily." He whispered, feeling irked at my attempted stoic-ness. "I want you to beg me for mercy."

"Why?" I snapped "it's not like you'll ever give mercy." I tried to say the bold words with bravado.

He laughed darkly "I find it more fun when you fight." He muttered as he lowered his face, and I suddenly felt even more exposed.

The shock and the pain that I felt as he bit me was inexplicable. I released a bit of a whimper, trying to stifle a scream. I knew how things worked. I'd made sound, shown him he was getting to me. The agony, the taint spread across the top of me, ripping the top of the dress further. This was not like when Blake had bitten me. Blake had been gentle, reverent even. The entire time, it had been about love. As father bit me, he was everywhere, and it was about pain, about exerting his will over me. About making me wish I'd never blamed him.

But soon he tired of getting little response, whimpers and tears only. He wanted me to scream and plead. He ripped the skirt higher, leaving me sitting there, even more exposed, in just my undergarments. His hungry eyes took in what was now exposed, the flame flickering like lightening in them. I tried to move my tightly bound wrists, to cover my body.

"Blake!" I cried "Nyx! Please help me!" I cried, no longer being able to hide my fear.

Father smirked, finally hearing me scream "Your goddess doesn't care, Neferemily. You're a killer, and you're only an insignificant little mortal to her, Neferemily. Why else would she just abandon you here? But I can't have the neighbours investigating." He whispered, reaching into his coat pocket before slamming his lips to mine. His rancid, alcohol soaked breath invaded my mouth, and I fought beneath him to separate us. I felt him shove something into my mouth, and then fasten it behind my head.

"I love it when you scream, but I have no intention of you cutting this short." He whispered

I tried to scream, but sure enough, I could produce nothing more than whimpered cries.

"Tell me, Neferemily, why did you frame me? Didn't you know what would happen?" He demanded, slowly snaking his fingers beneath the strap of my bra. I tried to kick him, with both my bound legs. He struck my shoulder. I winced. He struck the same spot again, harder.i tried to cry out from the burst of firey pain that shot through my arm, already hurt from tumbling down four flights if stairs. And he kept it going, sending bursts of pain all over my body. Eventually, I couldn't hold it in and began to sob openly. I tried to hold the tears back but they just kept flowing, like a waterfall. I kept trying to think of something positive, or someone, but like a wounded bird trying to fly I kept on being pulled down. That's when I tryed focusing on mother, how sweet she was and how I missed her. I let out a cry for help "Mother help me! I need you! Please!". But my screaming and tears only made him more evil, it seemed to fill him with sick, sadistic pleasure. "Don't cry Nefremily. Don't be as weak as your poor mother". Then, I felt the parer letter crinkle in the dress where I had hidden it. It made me realize the sad truth beyond refute, father had killed Mother! i felt a powerful gatred, like fire within burning, making me want to kill him. The light went out and being pitch black nore or "father" could see.

I closed my eyes as he tore off the last of my clothing. The frigid chill of his fingers both numbed the burning pain I felt and added to it, roughly rasping along my skin. I tried not to cry, even as father's tainting hands canvassed my body. I heard him slipping off his clothes, the pop of his shirt's snaps like a steady applause. The zipper gave with a sound like metallic laughter. Even his clothes mocked me. The swoosh of clothing on skin sounded so ominous that I shivered in fear. I tried to speak through my gag, to cry out.

He whispered obscenities to me as he untied my ankles, positioning himself in front of me. I whimpered in fear, knowing this would be agony. I tried to envision my happy place, tried to draw from the calm Blake sent me earlier.

But no ammount of calm could help, I could only imagine his face and the fear was uncontrollable. I tried to be still, to not display my fear, to no avail I was still quivering and sobbing. With my legs free I leaped for the door but was pulled back, "you're going to regret that, Neferemily"

And did he ever make good on that.

This was agony. The pain radiated through me like an electric current as Father used me. I heard myself scream until I had no voice left and father, smirking, turned the light on, covered me in the dress and left a mirror for me to stare into as I sobbed.

There was too much blood. My mirror-image was bleeding. Father tied me to a pipe that stuck out if the wall, and smirked at his success. I was bruised and broken, debased and never to be the same. I stared into the eyes of my mirror-self, for a moment, seeing an older version of me crying while she clawed get own hands bloody. Her eyes never left mine

_Blake pov_

I entered the room swiftly, sprinting down the stairs, smelling blood and other, fouler things. There she lay, in a room little bigger than a closet. Her auburn hair was sprawled out like a bloody halo around her head, but her face was fine. He had not marred that, except with the gag covering part of it. It was her body that was painful to look at.

She was afraid of me. The realization shocked me. She had been wearing an emerald green dress, but the top of it was in ruin, ripped at the seams. I could see bite marks along what I could see of the top of her, interspersed with bruising. Her wrists were bound, practically black from being tied so tightly. Bruises, even wounds covered her arms, some bleeding freely. Then, as my eyes travelled lower, the most horrific sights assailed me. The dress was torn, this slit travelling up the length if it. She was covered in marks of her father's anger and violence. The worst was the things I couldn't see, except for the blood seeping through. Those were all small enough that I was sure she'd heal. The worst part was the blood seeping from between her legs. I wanted to weep, but I had to be strong. Her eyes had been closed, so she tried to cry out as they locked with mine.

"Neferet?" I asked, my voice barely carrying over her sobs. I untied the gag, taking it off her slowly, keeping my hands where she could see them, and trying to exude calm. I couldn't. There was so much blood, and I felt like I might faint. Once the gag was off, she tried to quiet herself, but she was hysterical. I reached behind her to untie her wrists. She stiffened the second my hands were out of her sight. I whispered to her as I untied her hands, trying to reassure her. The know was so tight that I had to use a knife to cut it off. She flinched as I hacked at the rope. The blade nicked her bruised wrist as I sliced through the rope. "Please" she whimpered

I apologized abruptly, cursing myself for hurting her more

" no." She interrupted "it lets the pain out. Do it again." She tried to grab the knife from my hands.

I felt shocked, abhorred. The way she wanted to hurt herself disgusted and saddened me. "I can't" I whispered "I can't watch you hurt yourself."

I moved to help her up, but she refused. I removed my coat, and used the rope to tie her dress together. Then, I threw my coat on, to cover her, make her feel less exposed. I could see that it heft to put it on, sliding her bruised arms into the supple leather. But, it strengthened her mentally, enough to clutch onto my arm and allow me to lead her up the stairs. That's when the shit hit the fan.


End file.
